A Reason to Come Back
by Crazy4pinK
Summary: "I was not going to face this journey alone. Gil would always be in my mind and in my heart." What if Grissom had managed to see Sara before she left Vegas? Post Goodbye and Good Luck - Another attempt on a 'what could have been' moment.


**A Reason to Come Back  
**

He didn't follow me.

He didn't even call out to me, grab my arm and ask _'What the hell was that for?'_. I knew he was still on that very same spot as I walked away. At that moment, I didn't care where we were. If it was out in the rain, in the middle of a crime scene, in front of Ecklie – I wouldn't give a damn. I was leaving my life in Vegas.

I was leaving _him_.

My mind couldn't think of a better way to say goodbye. Although I could've waited for us to get home, say nothing, and just completely give my whole self to him for one more time.

Just one more night with him.

I had let my tears trickle across my cheeks as I watched the vivid street lights of Las Vegas. My thoughts of him never seemed to drift away. Will I ever have another chance to feel those soft lips against mine? I didn't even think he would respond earlier. I thought he was going to jerk up – push me away, but no. His hands held my frame and let me devoured his mouth – in _front_ of Hodges!

I loved him for reasons beyond infinity. One of those reasons for he was a man of mystery. Three years we have spent together, there were still times when my mind was set to figure him out. But everyday with him was certainly an adventure. The poems, the quotes, the intelligence. I envied him when he would just nonchalantly remember a particular quote which perfectly suited the moment; and I wished just once, I could do the same thing for him. Sometimes, I listened to him read poetry to me. Then he would recite some Shakespeare (love) quotes to me before we sleep. (And don't even ask how much I would miss it.) Some would think his ways of affections were utterly dull. But his devotion and how the words left his lips, how his voice mirrored his expressions was something I would truly cherish.

"Ma'am, we're here."

My eyes blinked at the sound of the cab driver. I sniffed and wiped the result of my sobs away as my feet dragged me outside the vehicle.

I assured the driver that I wouldn't be that long. With hands slightly trembling, I managed to close the door and approached my home. I swallowed a big lump on my throat and entered the townhouse. Hank quickly rose from the couch and his paws found my thighs. I crouched down to scratch his ears and the next thing I knew, I was hugging the boxer as tightly as could.

I released him and took his paws in my hands. Hank's eyes were quite… watery. As I stared deeply in his pleading orbs, he whimpered solemnly and I could hear him saying, _'Please don't leave'_. Another set of tears slipped from my eyes and Hank was enveloped in my arms again.

"Please take care of him for me," I whispered to the dog.

Hank followed me up to mine and Gil's room where my suitcases were ready to be dispose in the cab's trunk. It acquired for me to take two trips to get everything I needed before taking one last look at the house. I started to sob uncontrollably (in silence) as I remembered the day he asked me to move in with him. The conversation came out of nowhere. There were no hints; just like when he asked me to marry him.

As my heels rotated to face the driveway, I saw two cars: the cab and… Oh my God. A Denali.

A black Denali.

I suddenly felt my breath short as the black vehicle's door opened and shut close to reveal him.

My feet were glued to the ground as I watched him inching few more steps closer to me. I tried to move so I could slap my face or pinch myself to prove my hypothesis otherwise. I could only blink and pull my lips slightly apart. When his touch came in contact with my arm, I knew I wasn't hallucinating.

Then, I found myself lost in his eyes as he spoke my name. It was raspy and desperate. Few minutes were squandered when we had just let the cool night breeze brush our figure. My urge to speak returned as I flinched from the beeping sounds of the cab.

"I have to go," I said just below a whisper before feeling his grip tightened around my arms.

"Don't go just yet," he pleaded. Different emotions swam in his blue pools, mostly were negative and I couldn't help but blame myself.

"Gil, please. Don't make this har-"

"I'm not going to ask you to stay, Sara. I just want to say goodbye."

His words caught me off guard. Did I hear him just right? Was he _really_ gonna let _me_ go? Let _me_ leave _him_?

"Wait right here."

My lips didn't get the chance to protest because in a blink of an eye, he was already leaning on the cab's window. My eyes squinted in perplexity but it was no help for I couldn't spell what he was up to. From the moment Gil emerged from his car, my heart felt numb. Was I shocked to see him? Yes. But am I supposed to appreciate his presence?

Next thing I knew was that I was few feet behind him. He turned around and blocked my way.

"Will you let me speak to you for just a few moments?"

"But my cab-"

"I took care of it. He can wait."

Alright. Maybe a few moments won't hurt. So, I hesitantly nodded and let him took me away from the cab. He held my hand as we settled at the front porch. My mind decided to deliberately end this conversation in a swift instant before my heart could contemplate an otherwise option.

"So, I read your letter and, um…" he looked down and continued, "And as I said earlier, I'm not gonna ask you to stay."

His eyes depicted so much pain that I couldn't even bring myself to gaze at them. He kept staring on the ground as I laid my hand on his cheek. "You're upset Gil. I can tell that you are. I'd appreciate your honesty if you may. Now's your chance to tell me how you really feel. Say what you need to say. If you're mad, yell at me. Better yet, curse!"

He covered my hand with his larger one. "Sara, I don't have that kind of power over you and I don't intend to possess it. Yes, I'm upset. I'm hurting because the letter made my heart constrict so hard that I can't even feel myself breathing. But Sara, the moment we stepped into this relationship, I felt that my own feelings should always compel into submission for your own." He entwined our fingers together. "Your happiness is _my_ happiness so… as much as it hurts me to witness you leave, I hope your departure will help bring back the Sara I once knew and met." He paused, and then added, "Nine years ago."

I felt his trembling fingers against my cheek as he brushed the river of tears away. His arms snaked around my waist and pulled me into a tight embrace.

"I'm not blind, Sara." His voice started to break. He was now in tears as well. "You've been completely burned out these past couple of weeks. Sometimes, I'd hear you cry yourself to sleep and all I could do was hug you. Let you know I'm there if you're ready to talk. I didn't ask anything because... because I didn't want to push you."

His shoulder was now soaking wet as I held onto him for dear life. "I'm so sorry. You must think I'm selfish-"

"No, Sara. Never would I think of you as selfish." He eased up his grip around me so he could look in the eye. "It wouldn't be fair if I ask you to stay. Now that would be _me_ being selfish." He paused to wipe his own tears. "I won't deprive you of this journey you're about to take, Sara. I know it's not what you want."

"What do you want, Gil?"

He simply said, "I want you to be happy."

And that was when I couldn't find the words or the actions to gratify him. He was being so supportive and understanding towards me. I really didn't know what triggered him to be this way. Was he really desperate for me to leave, hoping that the old Sara will resurface?

"Gil, I don't know how long-"

"Take as much time as you need, honey," he said, gently squeezing my hand. After a few seconds of silence, his eyes suddenly lit up. "You think you can wait for a little while? I promise this will be my last request."

I nodded and he entered the house, leaving the door open. I heard his loud footsteps as he ran up the stairs. I glanced across the driveway and I swore that the cab driver inside had his feet up and reading a newspaper. How did even Gil convince the driver to stay?

"Sara?"

"Huh?"

Gil was right there in front of me again as he took my hand once more and laid a tender kiss on top of it. I watched him placed a small box on my palm.

"Are you travelling by plane?"

"Uh-huh."

"Good. I want you to open this once the plane has taken off." He closed my palm and his hands went to my cheeks, brushing a few strands of hair along the way. "Sara… I really hope you find what you're looking for. Whatever your decisions may be, you'll still have my support."

I closed my eyes shut as he leaned in to place a loving kiss on my forehead.

"Take care of yourself, my dear."

I felt his lips travelled down my closed eyes.

"I'll miss you."

Then on my nose.

"I will wait for you, Sara."

And on my cheeks.

"I love you."

With his lips finally pressed against mine, my world abruptly drifted into a series of cloud nine. I sensed a feeling of déjà vu when I felt his condensing emotions surrendered into that kiss; only this time, we were alone. This was more passionate than the way I kissed him in the lab earlier. My arms already found the back of his neck and my fingers curled into his graying locks as I responded with equal fervor.

He held me like there was no tomorrow.

And kissed me as if it would be our last.

* * *

I was now gripping tightly on the arm rests of my seat as the plane started to accelerate and suspend in mid air. Once the aircraft had reached its constant speed a few minutes after, I rummaged through my hand luggage and took hold of the box that Gil gave me. I gave it a quick scan before tugging the ribbon free. Luckily, I was alone in my row because I gasped loudly – literally took my breath away - as soon as I flipped the lid open.

I may not be a fan of jewellery, but I do know a diamond when I saw one.

I left the ring untouched first when I caught a glimpse of a tiny rolled up scroll inside.

_Dearest Sara,_

_When those three letters formed into one simple word upon your lips,  
__You made me the luckiest man alive._

_For you have always held the key to my heart,  
__I vow faithfully to cherish and love you with my all._

_As of this moment,  
__My life will be worth sharing every single day with you._

_Happy anniversary, my dear._

_Love always,  
__Gil_

My God. Our anniversary was in 3 weeks! He was planning to make our engagement official! On _our_ anniversary!

I have never felt so awful in my life. I ruined everything for him. I could just imagine how happy he would be once he slid the ring on my finger. He would give me one of his boyish grins. He would kiss my hand for sure. And then I would pull him up so I could kiss him.

I pulled the ring from its case and tried to depict what it actually was. The gem was _definitely_ diamond. My guess would be somewhere around 4 carats. I distinctly remembered Catherine saying there were different cuts of diamonds, but I really didn't care about that now. The band was white-colored and it felt quite heavy. Could be white-gold. There were more diamonds. This time, very small ones where they sat intricately on the band - four on each side, trapping the large diamond in the middle.

It was breathtakingly beautiful.

I wouldn't even dare venturing a guess how much this cost him. After all, he did love to spoil me but he would get mad if I contradict him.

Putting that thought aside, I stared deeply at this white-gold band and I realized three things:

_One_...

My relationship with Gil wasn't over. Otherwise, he wouldn't give me this ring, right?

_Two_...

I was not going to face this journey alone. Gil would always be in my mind and in my heart.

_And lastly_...

I had a reason to come back.

**END  
**

**

* * *

**

**A/N:** I wasn't quite sure how I did with this one. First time with first-person POV and a sad/(slightly)angsty fic. Do tell me if I kept Sara and Gil in character. Or if my vocabulary wasn't wide enough for their characters. Ah, review anyways. Come and get me, my friendly critics! LOL


End file.
